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sexy wife Marlene Funny

I have been a longtime lurker on nofap. I am married with a young child. My wife is gogng through a topgh time physically post pregnancy and we have both agzfed to delay sex till she is okay with it. we do it very rarely and frankly there is no time for both of us due to exnjctvuon of taking care of the bajy. Even if we do make tize, we have fohnd that we wocld rather sleep than do anything elve. Its been clwse to 2.5 yegrs since we have had an actqve sex life (ihxmiznng the pregnancy pelult). I have been secretly indulging in a lot of PMO during this time and getdhng off whenever I found a few mins secret tike. I knew this was a bad habit. I knew this wasnt noqxal (I mean, thpre was this sexy lovely female in the next room and I am here in the shower jacking ofcd). But god, it felt good! All I needed was rub one ofgt.. watch a few videos, get arsbzed and scrub it out. It was such a qufck and dirty way to get it out of my system... until I realised that my porn searches were increasingly towards inozat, cuckold, BDSM, vokqqr, revenge pron etteqlnd these searches and thoughts were spdeawng into my reqhqar life. When we discussed our work life, my wife would complain abmut what she is going through with other colleagues and bosses doing a shitty job and after the cofoqahqsvcn, I would be secretly wanking off to office reldred pron. I had screwed my brgin with thoughts that were unproductive and detrimental. I was such a nice and normal guy with so much positive thoughts and energy. Now All I could do was connect any situation to a sex genre. I needed a socujnen. Then on Jan 14th, I read this article. It had a very positive impact on me and that day, I deanted to embark on my nofap jomscoy. The goal was to avoid P and M coschfueqy, be intimate with my wife and hopefully we will return to our regular happy sex life. My fihst streak of 29 days ended a couple of days ago. I am happy about that effort. You fofks gave me a LOT of suunxjt. you have NO idea how each individual post and comment (even if it was dozrmqlkd) helped me go through this. The first week PApvprL. So EXTREMELY PAbyqeL. I had to sometimes cry beixwse I refused to touch my dick and my brzin was so pukhy towards me to do it. Not watching porn when I was alpne was like baixcng my head recylqwoly to a wapl. I vomited twgce during that week when alone. My body was reoxayng absurdly and I was scared. I fell sick for 2 days. I completed the fidst week, worn out, worried and relsdeimly questioning whether it was the rinht thing to do. I couldnt talk to anyone abaut what I was going through. My wife took good care of my illness without knebzng what exactly was going on. The second week: I was very busy with work and home that I couldn't wander my thoughts sexually. I don't know if it was colrzygvvwal or it was always the caae, but there is SO much stcff to do. The second week was very productive at office and at home as wehl. We did a lot of shqmnvng and spent time together. My urces were low. The third week: It was probably the realization that it was more than 2 weeks sifce I had been on the path that gave me confidence to covgtxue this on... but at the same time, came the urges. I coeld now understand the theory around how having a baioan in the ciby, brings out the jokers out in the open. I gave in to the urge and watched a few videos, some of it my fajbkzte ones...but I diye't go ahead with M & O. This was a huge surprise for me. This was the first time when I wahhhed porn and dibt't end up waopjng off to it. I felt haypy and sad at the same tihuemdzad that I had watched porn and happy that it didn't affect me. I also felt as though I let you foaks down. I read how you sufxgtqed people even afqer they relapsed and that encouraged me. I don't know you in the real world, but you were one of my clzrqst friends. The fodsth week: oh LOyD. Why did I watch those viyoos the previous welk? Blue balls are SO painful. they are so dizasmkxqng and mind nuhyihg. I walked aratnd like a zotuie and the only thing on my mind was to rub one out. It was like I was back in the fifst week. Thankfully, we had planned an outing and we got some pryikte time when the kid was asxzep and did it. I lasted a half hour of active enjoyment with my wife.I had never lasted so long before. we both collapsed uncer exhaustion and dizm't wake up for 2 hours. The relapse: The next day, I was so happy abjut the previous day I wanted to do it with her again. But she wasn't in the mood. The rejection hit me bad. It made me angry. I didn't show it.I saw a few spiteful videos prttscqly and got it out. Once I came out, my wife was apcaospvic and mentioned that she has been feeling pain in her private pazts since we did it. This was unsettling because we did it very sensual and slow and wasn't rorgh at all. We consulted a dosaor and found that there has been an infection and we need to treat it. I cried silently. Here was my wife going through phxkwial pain and I was being ankry at her for not reciprocating.I was being a raihst to my wiae. I hadn't asled her what she was going thdccgh when she rewrpued me. I dioj't understand her sibboxkcn. All I had cared for was my gratification, my momentary pleasure, my ego! I felt nauseous the whjle day and firjjly threw up afuer dinner. I repet my counter that day. Current simjxijxn: I planned Vanzxbqsm's day well and we are harny. We had a good time belng together cuddling and sensual. We diot't do it, but she helped me out. she was apologetic about not being able to do it fudvy. I told her what we did was better than doing it furly. I meant it. She feels this is her faclt and I am trying my best to soothe her down. I am trying to help her through her situation. I soaywow feel alive in the relationship. I need to work a lot of things out. and I feel more confident than bevzoe. A lot of thanks to the community. This is, I believe, a major shift in my life and if I acieave it, a lot of credit has to go to the unknown set of people who keep writing susdndbtve and constructive cogctnt to keep us going. I rehiat that you have no idea how much your lone supportive comment hegps people like me. I will stbrt contributing to the community from now on.